It is so important to have personal boundaries set in place and to also make sure you are consistent in enforcing them. Boundaries are essential because they set the tone for how other people treat you.
Boundaries that you set for yourself are important because, by holding yourself accountable and enforcing them, you are taking your peace back and you are telling others that you do not like what they are doing to you and that you will not accept that anymore. Personal boundaries that you set for yourself can be about your health and what you are eating or whether you are exercising. It can be about not spending too much money, you can set a budget and stick to it, you can say no to being busy ALL the time and practicing good self-care, and it can help you to stay within the boundaries that you have set for yourself.
Most people learn about boundaries by watching those around them or someone taught them about setting boundaries. I had none. I was always just doing whatever people wanted. I was always hiding from the world because it seemed like I was just someone to control, abuse or manipulate, and that was like the living dead. I had no joy, no dreams, and no goals. I figured that I was going to die young anyway…all I had to do was wait.
Luckily, for me, I had a few precious people in my life. My mother was my everything. I never doubted her love for me, she worked really hard as a single mom with four kids and I was the one who stressed her the most because of all my health issues. She never made me feel like a burden. Never. She was the one who taught me to stand up and speak my mind. To use my voice. So as I got older, I started to set a few boundaries but I was not consistent and would end up right back where I was. That went on for years..right up until two years ago.
It’s important to establish boundaries with other people, right from the start, so that they know exactly what you will and will not accept in their behavior. For example, a friend or neighbor needs your help with something and you tell them that you already have plans to study for a really important test and they keep calling and texting over and over again and they ARE NOT respecting your boundaries. They are trying to bother you so much that you’ll give in, like you used to. This time, though, you aren’t backing down and it’s causing friction and animosity between the two of you.
When someone constantly crosses your boundaries, they need to know that there are consequences and you WILL enforce them. You don’t have to get angry and yell or be threatening to them, you just have to calmly tell them that if they don’t respect your wishes, then they’ll have to leave or if it’s a chronic problem for them, then you may have to walk away. You need to have a plan of action for when these things happen and it’s imperative that you are consistent and stand your ground.
Boundaries can be physical or emotional and can range from having not enough boundaries or having so many that life is super complicated. Having a healthy set of boundaries are somewhere in between those two. Healthy boudaries are those that we set upon ourselves to ensure that our mental and emotional health are where we need them to be.. and that is steady and stable.
When our boundaries are stable and healthy, we are able to stand our ground with people who try to cross that line. We are able to show ohers that this is who we are and what we will accept from them as far as behavior goes. It’s also a confidence builder in that we feel better when our wishes are respected and we are treated the way that we ask for. We all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. If there are people in your life tht repeatedly cross those lines and refuse to show you the respect that you ask for, then it might be time to walk away from that situation.
I always give people a warning before I cut them off completely and that is giving them way more than they gave me, but I am a nurturer and a peacekeeper and this is the first time in my life that I’ve really set and enforced my boundaries and that is GOLD to me! I have learned to love and respect myself enough to stop letting people bully me or guilt trip me into letting them walk all over me. It is not wrong to put your peace and your life first. We must love ouselves enough to do that and to live our lives in a way that we are growing and evolving into who and what we want to be and who and what we will accept into that life of peace and growth.
Never give up your peace for another person who has no respect for you or your boundaries. Stick to your guns and stand tall. You are worthy of that respect and you deserve that peace. You deserve to have all the good things in life! Until next time, stay peaceful and strong!