My “Why” for starting this blog and my businesses, is because I have been stuck in a rut for about the past ten years and in that ten years, I have lost both my parents, nearly died from a Thyroid Storm, and watched my son nearly destroy his life.
I lost my mom in 2009, my dad in 2011, and my son’s near destruction was in 2010…just a short time after that, I started having all kinds of crazy health issues and just shrugged them off to being so stressed.
My husband and I decided to travel with his job after these three main events in my life and so off we went to Oregon to for him to work there at Intel. We bought an RV and moved into a nice little park in the Willamette Wine Valley. It was stunning! It was perfect in every way..except I was depressed and sicker by the day.
In July of 2012, I was so sick, I couldn’t even walk around by myself and decided to go to the ER. By the time I got there, my blood pressure was 220/115, my heart was racing at 197 beats per minute, I was so weak, I could not even stand by myself, and I was in heart failure. I had lost 70 lbs in 8 weeks and my hair was falling out. I could no longer write anything legibly because my hands shook so bad! I was a hot mess!!
Five days later, they announced that I had Graves Disease! What?? What the heck is that? I was scared thinking that with a name like Graves Disease, surely this meant I was doomed!
No..I wasn’t doomed, I was just set on a path to a very different life. I was ok with all that because I’ve had serious health issues my entire life, just not like this! THIS I had no idea how to deal with. I spent three weeks in the hospital and then waited while the meds took affect to get back to my normal self..whatever that was! I was thinking that I would just take medicine and then life would get better. It did not. I struggled with this for awhile and then I bacame even more depressed.
Throw in marriage issues, my sons issues, my terrible health, traveling all over, and those pesky family problems and that made for a super depressed, I’m giving up, there’s no hope, kind of girl.
Of course there are so many other things to say about my crazy, dysfunctional life, but it’s so long and complicated, you would be here all month! After all of these came the childhood issues that I drug around everywhere. Things like that little voice that says I’m just not good enough, I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’ll never amount to anything, blah, blah, blah!
Fast forward to August 2018. We stopped traveling and bought a new house near Houston. Our son was coming home and we needed to be there for him and at that time, I needed roots. I needed routine, and I needed good doctors on a long term basis so maybe I could start to feel better.
I reconnected with my best friend of 40 years, I had a beautiful home, I had the good doctors and things were rolling right along. My husband was still working in Oregon and California, so he would just fly home monthly and hang out until he had to go back. We were fighting, my son was struggling, and there was no one to help me with all my issues while I was trying to be there for everyone else! That was me…putting everyone and everything before myself. “It’s ok”, I would tell myself. “I love helping my family and friends, they need more than I do”. I was good…I can live with what I had, I didn’t need more or better. “I’m good” was my mantra. Still is sometimes.
Eighteen months ago, I was mad and depressed and feeling like a crazy person and was spending a lot of my time at my best friends helping her with her issues after her husband died. I didn’t want to go home because it was just miserable there! I didn’t care anymore if my marriage was ok, or my son was ok..I just wanted to run away and disappear.
Thank God that I have a few very supportive people in my life to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted, but needed. That was when I got up off my throne of pity and got tired of not living and I did what I do best. I grabbed every book, article, blog, whatever, online and I researched all the ways that I could improve my life.
That was my saving Grace! That led me here, writing in my own blog and hoping to help others in the same position. No one deserves to live that way. No one deserves a life like that. There is more here than I’ve said and I have dealt with it all before, but this time was the hardest because life and people had made me distrustful, afraid of everything, and unsure of my own self. I’m still a work in progress, but this time, I will make it all the way because this time, I have put my needs first and I am working harder than I ever have because my life literally depends on it. I have never wanted anything more than this life that I am building.
I hope that I can impact and inspire someone who feels the same way. I have a lot more story to tell and I will but I will also do whatever I can to be a light to this world and to try to make a difference in someone’s life, because someone made an impact on mine and I am eternally grateful for that! Until next time, hug your loved ones and do something nice. We need more kindness in this world, especially for our children.